It’s so maddening isn’t it? Here we are, trying to improve ourselves. Doing the right things. Wanting to make a positive change in our life. New eating habits, new career path, no more smoking. We jump onto the road to a wonderful new life and we absolutely ROCK IT — for a while…

Then it happens. We let that stupid rubber band around our waist pull us back to the old routine. Just one cigarette, just one workout skipped. We’ll read that book later. You see and feel your wonderful new change slipping away.

How in the world did it happen…again?!

This time we had a “good” plan in place — dude, I even put those running shoes in the hallway so I couldn’t avoid ‘em! We had our diet plan, a list of to-do’s at the office. Ha! We even trashed our lighter and ashtray! The plan was foolproof!

Yes, I am making light of a serious problem. I humbly suggest you do the same. Anger and frustration solve nothing, but a little levity and an objective look at the real problem just may lead us to a solution.

Plus, I’m actually laughing at myself! I’ve experienced this mind numbing phenomena in many areas in my life. Quitting smoking, improving my eating and exercise habits, improving my career…

You’re not alone.

So, what gives? Why does it seem so hard to make changes, permanently? The problem is, no matter how well intentioned and worthy your goals may be. No matter how many meals we plan, running shoes we buy, cigarettes we flush, if we’ve failed to address some internal issues, we’re going to have a problem. Let’s attack this issue head on…

1. Go “ALL-IN”

This first strategy is quite literally a state of mind. You need to make the complete and unwavering decision to make the change.  Once you’re all-in, you’re off to the right start. Let me be completely clear about this before you just nod and say “Ok.” I’m talking completely, totally and unequivocally take the mental all-in plunge.

That means no other outcome is acceptable other than permanent change. You’re still with me right?

Why the hoopla about being all-in? Because our brains have the wonderful ability to allow us to engage in habitual behaviors without much mental effort. We don’t consciously have to “decide” to engage in old habits, they just, well –happen. Like, those times when we drive home from work while totally daydreaming, or cook a favorite meal while engaged in deep conversation with friends or family. We’re not consciously focused on these things, we’re just doing them.

Considering this, we would be wise to recognize that until our new activity BECOMES habit, we have to consciously decide to exercise the new behavior. Essentially, we’ve got to pay our mental dues if we’re going to be successful at the change.  If we don’t, then it is too easy to waltz right back into the old routine.

The GREAT new is that we have the power to replace our old routine with the new one. As MIT Professor Ann Graybiel so optimistically stated while discussing the results of a research project on how our brains control our habits, “…the value of habit is you don’t have to think about it. It frees up your brain to do other things.”

What’s more important is that she went on to explain the their research suggested that part of our prefrontal cortex, the part of our brain where most of our plans and thoughts occur, does not fully relinquish control over these habits that seem to operate on autopilot. In other words, we ARE still in control, and can decide to make changes in our habits.

So, are you ready to go ALL-IN? Here’s a little question to see if you’ve really decided: How long are you going to try to make this change stick before you call it quits?

Trick question! If you’ve really decided, there is no timetable. You’re ALL-IN remember? No worries, we’ll abolish the whole “trying” mess in a little while. On to Strategy #2…

2. Identify Yourself

Hi! My name is ____ and I like warm hugs!

No, no, no I’m talking about internally identifying yourself. See, this is normally the time when we expect the little pep-talk about believing in yourself, but we’ve got to step waaaay beyond that if we’re going to make this work.

Sorry, but I’ve got to let this out:

I defy you to find a single power on this earth stronger than one’s identity of self. Once a human completely identifies themselves as something; a healthy-eater, successful business person, loving parent, an organizer, writer, optimist, learner, …ANYTHING, ..that belief will impact their actions from that point forward. Period.

How does this affect you? Go beyond DOING something new and decide on BEING something new!  Identify with the change, break up your old routine and do something rationally-irrational! Stare at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself exactly who the new you is at least 100 times until you either burst out laughing or its fully engrained in your mind, preferably both. (Please share your uncontrollable laughing videos!)

Since you’re a former smoker, start training for a running event. Making a career change or improvement? Buy a book or audiobook on whatever industry you’re in. As soon as you’re finished reading it, write a letter to the author thanking them for the value it provided you. Share the book with a colleague and pay it forward. Progress loves company.

Associate with those who share the same identity and values. Want to be a better parent? READ about the best parenting ideas. Talk to your friends and family members who love parenting. Identify a mentor, whether its someone you know, or someone you don’t. Subscribe to parenting blog or going a forum. Don’t know of any? Google “Top 50..” -whatever it is you want to  find.

BE creative, be your change. Say hello to the new you!

3. Stop Trying

Honestly, I considered placing this as Strategy #1. You could completely forget all the other strategies are, just do this one, and be way ahead of the game.

I prefer to write in a positive context, but this is a necessary “stop doing it” topic. The plague of “trying” is just so widespread, it would be negligent of me to ignore. So here goes..

“Trying” is essentially “tasting”. Its a great strategy for wine tastings and buffets, but not for making real changes to improve your life.

Why? Because “trying to change” immediately implies the possibility of an alternative outcome aside from the one you’ve already committed to. Remember, we’re already “all-in” now. The old you would’ve “tried”, but not this you.

I’ll spare you the old Yoda quote, but quite frankly, there really is no “try”. We either change, or we don’t. Once you realize this concept, you simply can’t fail.

4. Conditioning Loop

Lasting change will only BE lasting change if you repeatedly act upon it. Conditioning the change  you want involves purposely taking action on a consistent and intentional basis. This will lead you into the Conditioning Loop.

The more you do it, the more you see results; The more results you see, the more enjoyable it becomes; The more enjoyable it becomes, the more you want to do it.

Whether your change involves improving your career, your relationships, your fitness or health, the more you see the results of your efforts, the more momentum you create. Ultimately, you won’t be “making a change” anymore, you’ll simply be living your life.

The life that YOU intentionally designed and chose. That’s the goal isn’t it? There’s nothing more fulfilling than deciding to take on a challenge and totally rocking it.

Final Thoughts

If you haven’t noticed already, each of these strategies, especially the first 3, compliments the others. If you’re all-in, you’re more likely to identify yourself with the change you want. If you’ve truly identified yourself with the change you want, “trying” should not even be on your radar.

Once you’re truly all-In, identifying, and no longer “trying” to change, you will naturally enter the Conditioning Loop and stay there.

What once was a desired change, will be your HABIT.

I hope you got some value from our talk today. Leave your comments, share with and support each other!

We’ll chat soon — Until then, I’ll be cheering you on.