How to Make Hard Decisions with More Confidence.

Best Life of Your Life: The BLOYL Podcast, Episode 21

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Making decisions isn’t always easy, but even the hardest decisions don’t have to be terrifying. Today’s episode shares some simple, but powerful strategies that can help narrow things down when choosing what to do gets difficult. Please listen, share and let me know your favorite strategy from this episode!

Full Transcript:

All right, welcome back, this is episode 21, thank you so much from the bottom of my heart for being here and spending some time with me, whether this is your very first time, or whether you’ve been listening to a few or each and every episode since we’ve started together.

I really appreciate you investing something that I simply can’t give back to you, I can’t give you back your time. So for you to trust me with your time enough to be here and share this conversation, I want to let you know how important. Because I understand how important your time is, and I just want to acknowledge you and say thank you for spending this time with me.

Today, we’re going to conquer the topic of how to make a hard decision. Now, all of us have so many decisions that we have to make in not just one, in many areas of our life. One thing, it’s easy to forget sometimes, that we’re not just one-dimensional creatures. You know, we can sometimes get stuck. We can get so focused in our work, or get so focused in our family life that you and other people have so many other things to worry about.

We have to make family decisions, we have to make work decisions, we have to make health decisions, and all of them are important. But what do we do when we face those moments where you’ve got to make a call, and there’s no obvious, easy, or correct answer? Now, I’m certainly not going to be so bold as to tell you what to do. That’s the last thing that I’d do. Even when I coach one-on-one, I’m not going to tell anybody what they have to do.

We are going to explore today, and I am going to give you some tools, essentially, five topics that I think it’s really useful for us to consider when we’re in those situations when you’re looking at what appears to be two or three or a few different choices to make and they all just suck. You don’t want to make any of them, you wish you could just crawl into a corner, and have somebody else deal with it. That’s just not the way it works, right?

I mean, some of you listening, you’re bosses in your profession, and you’re entrepreneurs, or you’re a parent, or you’re a spouse, you’re a boyfriend, you’re a girlfriend, and you’ve got to make these decisions in your personal and professional life. Nobody else can make it for you. This topic comes up for me, for sure. I’ve been there plenty of times over the course of my personal career and in my private life. It’s not easy to make a decision, but with that being said, life isn’t easy.

Quite frankly, I don’t want life to be easy. I love facing the challenge. The whole premise of this podcast, Best Life of Your Life, I do this show because I know life isn’t easy. My life isn’t easy. I don’t know anyone with an easy life. Regardless of where they’re from or how much money they have, there’s always going to be challenges.

My purpose here today is to help you with this particular challenge, and give you some of the tools that I use when I’m faced with these tough decisions. We’re going to go down five things. Let’s start with number one. When you’re faced with one of those decisions where you’re not sure what to do, often times, the very best thing we can do, right off the bat is to not worry about “What should I do?” Instead, worry about this, “Who do I want to be in this situation?”

Because when these situations come up, everybody gets all tied up in “What do I want to, what should I do? What should I do?” It gets you thinking in your head, and you start analyzing and you start looking at what most people do in this situation, and how other people are going to perceive or critique the decision that you wound up making, or what are they going to think? What’s the most cost-effective thing to do? What’s not going to hurt somebody’s feelings?

All those things are understandable, and they may be things that need to be considered, but there is nothing more important than your identity. Who is the person that you want to be? Because if you overlook that, you could really drop the ball, no matter what. If you start with “Okay, this is who I am, this is what I value.” You know, I value love, I value rules, I value fairness. I value empathy and caring. I value humanity. I value being a parent that has the best interest of his child in mind. I value being a husband or a wife that no matter what, is going to demonstrate that I truly care.

When you decide who you’re going to be, that gets rid of a lot of the obstacles. Quite frankly, sometimes, that immediately eliminates some of the things that you were considering. Because let’s face it, if we would all pause before we made a decision, some of the things that we’ve done in the past, I can speak from personal experience, some of the things I’ve done, the decisions I’ve made. Things I’ve said. If I had stopped myself, just even for 10 seconds and said to myself “Okay, who am I, as a person? And who do I want to be in this situation?” I could have made some much better quality decisions throughout my life.

I’m pretty sure you’ve been there at some point yourself. That’s number one; decide who you want to be, and whatever it is, whatever the situation that you’re in, before you make that decision. All right, number two, and this is somewhat related to number one, but it’s more external. Number two is what’s the bigger mission that’s going on? What’s the mission? What’s the big picture that’s bigger than you? Even bigger than who you are, bigger than what you feel like doing, bigger than how this may affect you, what’s the bigger goal?

I’ll give you an example, if you’re a parent, maybe you’re deciding what school to send your child to, and you’re looking at numbers, right? Because one school costs this much, and there’s another school that doesn’t quite cost as much, but it’s further away. Sometimes if we cut through the intricacy of some of those details and remember what the mission is, and the mission is, in that particular case, to give your child the best education that you can possibly give them. Then that may cut through some of those other details.

Because, then, you’re looking at just the quality of the location that you’re sending your child to. If you’re an entrepreneur and you’re thinking about investing in some training or some certain equipment, or if you’re a manager, or a CEO in your workplace, and you’ve got to decide what are you going to invest your money in, in a certain piece of software or a product or some systems that you want to get in place and you’re considering investing in a company to help you set things up.

You’ve got to decide yes, no, maybe. Sometimes if you sit back and say “Okay, what’s our mission? What’s the mission of this company?” Or “What’s the mission that I have as an entrepreneur?” That can cut through the clutter. That can help just highlight what the goal is. Sometimes, when you remember what your bigger mission is, some things that we thought were really big decisions, we realize, maybe they’re not that big a decision. Maybe we don’t even have to decide on these things because there’s something else we need to focus on in the first place.

I can tell you, for me, personally, with this podcast and with this platform, there are so many different things that are on the list of things that I know that I’m going to be getting completed within the next year, the next three years, and within the next five years. One of the things I get caught up with is which one of these things do I need to do first, and should I be doing more video? Should I have more videos on YouTube?

I reach out to bigger names and personalities and invite them to the show for an interview. What seminar do I need to attend? What software may help me automate my business, or grow my business? There’s so many different pieces of the puzzle that seem so important. For me, I know, I’ve had to pause recently and say “Hold on, what’s the purpose? What’s the mission here?” For me, my mission is literally to help you create the best life of your life, by giving you tools and strategies and perspective and some optimism, and maybe even a little motivation to help you be able to navigate life.

That’s the goal, is to help individuals, you and everyone else that’s listening, make their life a little better, because you and I don’t have to settle. We don’t have to settle for making the average decisions that everyone else makes. We don’t have to settle for having the average relationship success, business success, spiritual fulfillment and wellbeing that everyone else has.

We can have more and we can give more. To me, that’s not only our right, it’s our inherit responsibility and opportunity, and I think that’s amazing. I know not everyone feels that way, but those that do, that’s who I’m here to support. That’s who I choose to invest my time with and my energy and my resources into is sharing my beliefs and sharing what I’ve learned and receiving what other people have learned. That is how we grow together. That’s my mission. That’s my goal. That’s what I plan on doing for the rest of my life.

Because, it’s real easy to go through this life and just think it really is hard. There’s a lot of people there. A lot of people think life sucks because it’s hard, but just a shift in perspective can help us realize life is awesome, because it’s hard. Because it gives us the opportunity to figure things out and to realize that there are some not-so-complicated answers that can help us get through our day, and help other people get through their day, and actually do it in a way that’s enjoyable, that’s fun. That there’s challenge and there’s growth and there’s some sense of calm and security and stronger relationships. There’s so many different things that I love helping people with.

Whether it’s one-on-one or in a group or broadcasting it wide on a podcast like this. Keeping that mission in mind helps me just cut away the fat, so to speak. There’s so many things that I’ve just crossed off my list for the time being, or at least put on a completely different list, because it’s just not that important right now. I want to reach people. I want to reach you guys and help you get through things like this. Helping you make some hard decisions when you’re faced with them, and doing it in a way that doesn’t drive you up the stinking wall, and you can kind of sit back and make sense out of things and remember what’s important to you.

Not to me, but, remember what’s important to you. Keep that in mind, what is your bigger mission, as you are faced with this decision, and I think that will make a big difference. All right, moving on to number three, in helping you decide how to make a hard decision. This is probably my favorite because I’m a bit of nerd when it comes to movies. There is no spoon.

Yeah, I said it, there is no spoon. What I mean by that is, often times, we get stuck and fixated on what we think are hard and fast decisions that we must make or a right and a wrong decision that we have to choose between. A lot of times that’s not necessarily the case.

You know, if you remember the movie, the Matrix, where this line came from, “There is no spoon.” The spoon boy was saying “Do not try and bend the spoon, that’s impossible. Instead, only try to realize the truth. There is no spoon. Then you’ll see it’s not the spoon that bends, it’s only yourself.”

All that really means in this context, at least to me, is that whether or not we’re making the right or the wrong decision often times isn’t really based on any fact. It’s just our own interpretation of the choice that we have to make. It’s our own values that come in to play. It’s our own history, it’s our own baggage. A lot of times, it’s our own fears, it’s our worries. If you have 100 different people that are put in a position where they have to make the same type of choice that you make, there’s going to be a lot of really good people like you that make very different decisions.

My point to saying number three, the statement to remember number three, there is no spoon, is that A, the best you can do is try to interpret the circumstances that you’re faced with. And B, there may be an alternative, and look for it. You can create, a lot of times, an alternative solution. I mean, my initial choice for number three is I was going to say think outside the box, but I’ve never liked that saying because there simply isn’t a box. That’s why I decided to say there is no spoon.

There are just choices, and even after you make that initial decision, guess what? You’re going to have move choices to make. I know a lot of times, that the decision you make right now, it feels like “Okay, whatever I decide right now, this is going to be the endgame, like, you don’t understand, this is it.” I understand why you may think that way, but there’s always a next decision, always.

As long as you’ve got breath in your lungs, there’s going to be another decision that you get to make in the future. Resist that urge to get overwhelmed about making a right or wrong decision or thinking that you can only choose based on what’s directly in front of you. Remember what we talked about in number one and number two, which is who you want to be, and what the bigger mission is. That will help you, if you’ll trust that, and trust yourself, I truly believe that will help point you in the right direction.

All right, number four, this one’s pretty simple. The six-month rule. As you’re making this big decision, be honest with yourself, as best you can. Where do you think this decision will take you in six months? From right now, if you make this call, whatever it is right now, where is it likely to result in six months? This comes in to play a lot with relationships, right? When you’re trying to decide whether this is the time to end this relationship, or if this is the person you want to get in to a relationship with.

It also works well in careers. If you’re trying to decide whether it’s the right time to leave your job, or whether it’s the right decision to take on your new job that you’re considering, be honest. In six months, based on what you know, where will that decision lead? If you’ve been in a relationship that is destructive and just going in a completely wrong direction without some sort of major or significant intervention, which is absolutely possible, but where are things likely to go or likely to be in six months if things keep going the way they are?

I love the six-month rule, because a lot of times, when we’re faced with these decisions that just feel difficult, there’s a lot of emotion involved, right? Emotions help you decide what feels right right now. Again, we have to hit that pause button and get out of our own skin for the moment, and do some intelligent forecasting as best we can. Now, we don’t know what the future holds, but we are intelligent enough to take our knowledge of what we know and really think. “Okay, if I make this decision, am I really going to feel good about this six months from now?” “Regardless of how it turns out, will I feel good about the decision I made?”

If not, then why not, and what are some decisions I can make that right now, that will likely allow me to look back in six months and say “Okay, whether it work out exactly how I want it or not, look, I made, I truly made the best decision I could at the time, not based on ego. Not based on emotion. But, based on what felt right based on who I am, what my mission was, and the information I had at the time.” I think if you do that, then you’re being pretty fair with yourself, and you’re being honest with yourself.

Lastly, number five. My number five tip on how to make a really hard decision is this; if you’re going to make a decision, no matter what it is, be able to do it with love, not with your ego. Make your decision with love. I remember months ago, probably maybe a year ago now, I was listening to Lewis Howes, the School of Greatness Podcast. I think I mentioned it before. Love that podcast.

I know, I have my own podcast, but I’m telling you, I really enjoy some of the guests he has, especially on his show. He had Dale Partridge on there one time, who is the co-founder of Sevenly. He was the former CEO of Sevenly, and he was a co-founder, but he was talking about the culture that they tried to build within that company. One of the things that stood out to me that I will never forget was they talked about, when they had to fire someone, to let someone go. At that time, I don’t know if they still do it now, but they had a policy that they would only fire people on Fridays. They would only let people go on a Friday.

Because, as simple as it seems and as silly as it seems, they wanted to at least allow people to have a weekend after that, right? Even when they let the person go, they always addressed with them the issues, not the person. If there were things that were going wrong, they would discuss it in the context of the actual issues, and being careful to not say “Okay, you failed at this.” Or “This is wrong with you, or this is wrong with something about you.” It was always about just the task. Not the person themselves.

On top of that, they would invite them, actually, to come back on a Monday and allow their coworkers or soon-to-be former coworkers, tell them what they loved about them, and how much they appreciated the things that they did within the company, even if, in the big picture, things didn’t work out.

There were times he would also even write letters of recommendation for somebody he was letting go, recommending them, writing them a letter to acknowledge their gifts and their talent and the things that they did really well. My whole point in that is to say if you can, whether you agree or disagree with any of those specifics, if we can capture the mindset of even when we have to make a decision, that’s going to be unpleasant for someone else, there’s a way we can do it with humanity, with respect for the person, with love. Because making these calls with an ego serves no one. Because our egos don’t help us win, they don’t help us grow as a person, and they don’t help our mission.

The way we treat each other as individuals, that will always last, and that will always be remembered. If we can go down this list of five things, when we’re faced with a tough decision. If we can remember who it is we want to be as a person. If we can remember what our bigger mission is, beyond what’s going on today. If we can remember that there really is no spoon. It’s just there is no, necessarily, right and wrong and a perfect decision to be made. There may be more opportunities for decisions if we think outside of the realm of the norm. As much as I don’t like saying it, think outside the box, because we’re all familiar with that analogy. We’ll realize that we have to trust ourself.

Trust ourself enough to step away and say “Okay, let me just remember who I am as a person. Let me remember my mission, and let me not get so locked in to the tightness that we often feel when we’re making these choices. Because, at the end of the day, that’s all it is, is it’s a choice. We’re always going to have choices to make. We have to allow ourselves the opportunity to breathe and decide.

Number four, if we move to that six-month rule and say “Okay, I know who I am, I know what my mission is. I’m going to breathe and relax about this decision and realize it’s my best interpretation of what I have in front of me right now, and where is this likely to lead me now in six months? Where do I think this is going to take me?” Be honest, and be fair, and reach out to some resources, people you absolutely trust, that maybe have been there or been somewhere similar.

Because there will be times when you say “I have no idea where this is going to take me in six months.” Well, then, reach out to someone. Heck, if nobody will answer you, reach out to me. Aaron at AaronKeithHawkins.com. Reach out to someone that you can say “Hey, I’ve got to make a decision and I, I’m really trying to forecast here, but, I’m kind of up to my neck in emotion. You know, here’s the scenario. What do you think? Where is this likely to go, in six months, from your perspective, as an outsider. Help me out, here.”

Finally, number five, whatever you decide, decide it with love, because your ego will never help. I hope you found that useful today. I hope that helps you next time you’ve got a hard decision to make. I have one last thing to say, as a bonus tip. As you go through each of these steps, you’re likely to feel some resistance, right? We all do.

We label it as fear. If you go on down these steps and you’re confident about who you are, what your mission is, if you realize that there is no spoon, that this is just a decision you have to make. If you’ve thought through the six-month rule, and you’re confident that what you’re doing, you have every intention of doing it with love. If you still feel that resistance, I suggest to you, lean into it. Because if you have fear at that point, it’s probably a quality fear. Even when we have something in mind that we want to do for ourselves that’s the right thing, so to speak, if we’ve never done it before, if it’s unfamiliar territory.

Then yeah, our neurobiology is likely to have us respond with a fear reaction. We’re just biologically wired that way. Lean into it, entrust yourself. Do it anyway. Because one of the best things we can do to create the best life of our life is to lean into our quality fears. Because often times, when we do something bold, if something that’s the right thing, something that’s going to move us forward into the right direction, especially if we’re doing it without ego, it’s going to seem a lot different from what everyone else is doing.

Trust yourself, trust your heart, lean into those fears, and those fears will become less relevant. Because when we’re willing to step towards something that scares us, or step through something that scares us, it’s often confidence that meets us on the other side. When you have confidence, and when you have a process for making hard decisions that has worked for you in the past. Then, it becomes a cycle. It becomes easier to do, it becomes more routine to do, it becomes a part of you.

Let’s be honest, when you become a person who feels pretty good about making those hard decisions and feels confident about making those decisions that scare most other people, that’s when you know you’re on your way to living the best life of your life. I really hope you’ve found the strategies that we’ve discussed today to be useful and practical, and something you can put into use either right now or next time you have a tough decision to make.

If you found today’s episode useful, please, make sure you leave me a quick five-star review on either iTunes or Stitcher, wherever it is you’re listening to the show. It does make a difference when people see that someone else received value from a show, something they listened to. They’re more likely to listen in, and then they get the value as well. Please pay it forward, leave a good review, and I sincerely can appreciate your time today that you’ve invested with me. Thank you so much for being a part of this community.

Until next time, make sure you take care of yourself, make sure you take care of each other, and keep on creating the best life of your life. Love you guys, can’t wait to talk to you again soon.

The 5 Steps Covered in this episode:

  1. Decide who you want to BE.

  2. What is the BIGGER mission?

  3. There is no ‘Spoon’.

  4. The Six Month Rule.

  5. Do it with Love.

  6. *BONUS TIP: After the clarity of 1-5, Lean INTO any resistance or fear.